2008

Train Your Children God’s Way

BY DAVID C. PACK

The family unit is under assault from an ever increasing array of forces, with children enduring the brunt of the attack. Parents are now facing almost impossible odds of successfully rearing their children! Yet, God commands parents to “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Prov. 22:6). But how can parents—one alone or two working together—do this? What chance do they have of rearing moral children in today’s immoral world? What should children be taught? How should they be instructed? And can you be sure that what you teach your children will stay with them for life? God’s Word addresses these and many other questions—and the answers are not what you expect!

 

Introduction

There is not another book about childrearing like Train Your Children God’s Way. In fact, there has never been a volume about childrearing like this one. It is absolutely unique among all others on the subject. This vital book contains sorely needed information—revealed knowledge, straight from the plain Word of God!

Modern bookstores in almost every city contain a wide variety of books teaching a host of men’s ideas about how to rear children. While often containing interesting facts and quotes, and perhaps some few helpful minor points, none of these competing, disagreeing and largely confusing books, which are usually written as though they are trying to impress intellectuals, have succeeded in bringing the answers that the parents of today long for—and desperately need!

Millions of families today are in almost complete despair. Ignorance of the most basic spiritual knowledge has brought about a near holocaust of a whole generation, now almost entirely lost to misguided thinking and false values. The terrible fruits of modern families are visible and obvious, but no one knows what to do about it. No one knows where to turn for the answers that countless millions of parents are seeking. The world has not known that there is an Instruction Book containing all the vital information necessary to rear children the right way.

More and more thinking people recognize that civilization is out of control. New problems of every kind are appearing, with older ones growing worse seemingly every day. The current generation of leaders has utterly failed in its responsibility to improve the world—to make it better for the next generation. Government leaders have failed to lead the world out of problems. Business leaders have not been able to stabilize the world’s economy. Generals have failed to bring peace through military intervention. Scientists have failed to rid the world of food shortages, pollution and problems such as global warming. Doctors and medical science have been unable to check the spread of deadly viruses and bacteria, and the diseases and other plagues that come from them. Religious leaders and philosophers have utterly failed in bringing happiness, fulfillment and true purpose to the lives of billions.

All are looking to the next generation to bring final solutions to the world’s greatest problems!

But, if the present picture looks bad, then the future looks much, much worse! The world’s most important resource—and the backbone of every society and nation on earth today—are its children. But today’s generation of young people is in big—HUGE!—trouble. The condition of the present generation of youth is so bad, with problems so severe, that anyone with eyes to see does not, and could never, doubt this! But this is because parents have failed in their God-given responsibility to give their children the right foundation necessary to produce lives full of achievement, productivity and true success. They have not met the challenge! Again, no one has taught these parents—no one has equipped them for their responsibility.

Consider this from the perspective of how the world looks ahead to those it is counting on to produce the leaders they suppose—and anticipate—will be tomorrow’s “problem solvers”:

From today’s young people will come the university professors, schoolteachers and childcare professionals of tomorrow. They will also produce the scientists, inventors and explorers of the next age. And from today’s younger generation will also come the economists, financiers, business entrepreneurs and chief executive officers of the vast numbers of small businesses, companies and multi-national corporations in tomorrow’s economy. The next generation of government leaders, senior military officers and members of futuristic “think tanks” will also come from those who are in school today. So will the philosophers, writers and journalists. And then there are the future doctors, psychologists and other professionals who will also arise from the modern generation. In addition, will come the lawyers, judges and law enforcement officials to deal with the worsening societal breakdown occurring today. Perhaps most important, the religious leaders of tomorrow will come from the children of today, and it is desperately hoped that these will soon bring leadership that their predecessors have failed to bring for the last 6,000 years!

Of course, all of this first supposes that there will even be a tomorrow for the world, and that there will also be a generation to produce sufficiently qualified leaders to guide civilization closer to the final utopia that every generation and all nations have sought.

The evidence is not good that either of these things will happen.

The nations of the world possess a vast sum of knowledge, and it increases every day, but they are ignorant of the right kind of knowledge—spiritually revealed knowledge. This is because the modern system of education is morally and spiritually bankrupt! Deluded educators have been biased against God and His Word by having had the atheistic teaching of evolution poured into them from childhood. They have taught young people for decades (and these have become today’s parents and grandparents) that there are “no absolutes” and that they must follow “situation ethics” in all circumstances. They have led the world into a kind of secular humanism—where people are driven by how they feel rather than clear definitions of right and wrong! But there is right and wrong in life—and the educators who are teaching the children of this world have cut themselves off from this knowledge (Isa. 59:1-2). They cannot teach what they were never taught. And neither can parents who have been indoctrinated in their thinking!

Also, this world’s churches have kept parents and young people steeped in traditional pagan philosophies and teachings that have deceived the world for millennia. All the world’s religions have ignored the great spiritual principle of cause and effect that governs every aspect of life. They have all neglected to teach true spiritual values—that there is an inspired, vital Instruction Book from Almighty God that contains special knowledge. It explains that there is a great spiritual law that, when obeyed, brings all the good things that every human being seeks. Confused by the conflicting influence of blinded religious leaders and deceived educators, parents have utterly failed in their greatest responsibility, which should have been to teach their children how to live, and to instill in their young minds the marvelous truths of God’s Word and the supreme purpose for which they were born! Again, they have failed to meet the challenge!

This book strips away the confusion, division, competing traditions and ignorance that have shrouded the truth about childrearing God’s Way. May God help you to understand what you are about to read so that you can teach your children to understand what has not been available until now!

Chapter One –

Facing the Challenge

It has been said that children represent a parent’s greatest stewardship. We could ask: What else even comes close?

Think of all that is at stake in how parents rear just one child. This little human being can either be armed with how to succeed in life, or literally programmed to fail—left defenseless against the many problems that life will throw at him! Further, the child’s children—the parents’ own grandchildren—will be directly affected by the principles of childrearing (good or bad), which could then in turn continue to be at least partially employed, potentially for generations to come. Then there is the effect the child will have on all the other people with whom he comes in contact throughout the balance of his life. And what about the very real peace and happiness—or lack thereof!—that the child brings to his parents as another direct result of how well they did their job? All these things are measured in very real terms, and carry implications almost too numerous and far-reaching to comprehend.

Your task is to recognize what all of this means to you as a parent, which must translate into action—what you must do!

The Greatest Challenge

Take a moment to consider the world around you. Reflect on all the different kinds of influences—with seemingly more every day—to which a child is exposed. Rearing children in today’s violent, morally permissive, confusing, “anything goes” world is perhaps the most trying, difficult thing that adults could do.

The situation could be likened to a ship entering what has been called “the perfect storm.” The force of the wind and the size of the waves beating on the “parental ships” of today mean that parents are working seemingly against all odds, and without a compass, maps, a working rudder or an engine to power their ship—assuming they even knew where to steer it. However, in reality, the greatest “perfect storm” is that which their children are suffering. If it could be said that parents are experiencing 30-foot waves and gale force winds in the open ocean, at least they are on a ship. By analogy, their children are experiencing the same conditions, but in a small, leaking row boat, without oars or a can with which to bail!

This leads back to the role of parents, the purpose and focus of this book.

For instance, fathers and mothers today must counteract a host of powerful pulls coming from Hollywood, Madison Avenue and MTV, all of which glamorize rebellious attitudes and self-centeredness. Then they must contend with a strange, perverse generation of young people who are different from all previous generations, and who have their children surrounded. Youth and teenagers of today have a whole variety of new subcultures, values and thinking—many of which would shock all but the most liberal, open-minded parents!

Consider the following quote from The Daily Telegraph, a British newspaper, in an article titled, “Keep out: TV, DVD and computers rule.” It plainly reveals the effect of technology on parenting today: “Technology is destroying traditional family life as young adolescents increasingly spend more time in their bedrooms playing computer games, surfing the Internet or watching television, videos and DVDs, a study released today claims. Whereas the living room used to be the hub of the home, now more and more 11- to 14-year-olds prefer to be alone in their technology-filled bedrooms, communicating with friends via mobile phone texting or e-mail.” (This article goes on to state that 75 percent of children ages 11 to 14 have a television in their room, 64 percent have a DVD player or VCR, and one-fourth have a computer in their room.)

Hopeless Generation

So many children and teenagers today have become hopeless, with no hint, inkling or clue of why they are alive, and whether there is a purpose for human existence. Just observing their faces in a crowd reveals this much. They can see that world conditions grow ever worse, with the news of each day seemingly worse than the day before, and the problems each day becoming worse and greater in number than the day before.

The result of all this is that the vast majority of children and teenagers today simply tune out the cacophony of confusion and emptiness of religion, the division and ineffectiveness of government, the evils and troubles plaguing schools and education, the complex economic forces at work in the modern world and the breakdown of the family, which increasingly often includes their own. This leads them to select from—more like back into—a variety of different means of escape: drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, endless parties, and mindless, gratuitous entertainment, among others—to occupy themselves. In turn, this leads to a whole host of problems which are overwhelming society, and parents as well.

Your children will be—and maybe already are—tempted to turn off, give up and drop out if you are not unceasingly vigilant in your responsibility to keep them in the belief that they can have a future, and that it can be wonderful beyond belief, if they are carefully building it step by step under your guidance! You, as parents, are charged with giving—infusing!—hope, and helping your children to retain it, when virtually no one around you will be helping.

This means that your task will not be easy!

To produce a happy, moral, emotionally mature and productive adult—including a strong relationship with the true God—parents must swim against a swirling ocean of powerful currents represented by the trends, pulls and overwhelming pressures of the modern age. In addition, great numbers of parents are working alone instead of together toward their children’s well-being. Many of them must openly combat the efforts of the other parent, who is working directly against the first parent’s view of the well-being of the children. Tragically, the vast majority of parents are simply drowning under the strain—and the net effect is that their children are drowning with them.

When it comes to childrearing, parents often do not know what to do—or when to do it. Do you? To achieve success in their most important stewardship, parents must be fully equipped—and this means thoroughly armed!—with all the necessary knowledge to reach their goal. All other paths will leave them bewildered and overwhelmed, having no hope to even effectively communicate with their children, let alone to actually guide them properly!

Of course, and this is most tragic, some parents simply do not care what happens to their children—who may not have even been planned for or wanted in the first place.

But either of the above two scenarios—interested but ignorant or cavalier and uncaring—need not be you. Perhaps this book can inspire you to see your role as a parent for the exciting, thrilling and ultimately rewarding experience that it can be—if you are properly prepared for what lies ahead!

Instant Gratification

Consider the typical television sitcom: Strong family values, once promoted in the past, have been corrupted into the dysfunctional family values of today. And almost every form of entertainment now reflects this.

Let’s take a closer look at Hollywood films: Many glamorize sexual immorality, with movie characters usually portrayed as changing sex partners more often than they change their clothes. Hollywood producers manipulate audiences into rooting for the rebels, anti-heroes and action characters who thumb their noses at every form of authority. The movie industry also promotes an extreme emphasis on physical beauty and appearance. Also, defenseless against the daily bombardment by ads in most teen magazines—with those much younger also reading them in large numbers—up to 63 percent of girls just 7 to 10 years old now go to school wearing make-up and expensive perfumes. This statement alone reflects a sad and worsening picture of childhoods lost! But it gets worse. By age 14, 90 percent of girls are wearing some type of lipstick, mascara or eyeliner. This, in turn, leads to earlier and earlier sexual activity.

Now consider the Internet: With a few clicks of a button, your child can access web pages that promote every twisted, immoral and perverse idea that men can devise. Photographs of absolutely appalling images are only seconds away from your child’s mental consumption. And parents seemingly can do little to stop this.

Virtually all societies on earth are now exposed to the age of instant gratification, through mass media and CDs: television, radio, music, movies, video games, music videos and magazines. All of these deceive children into believing that they are the center of the universe. Children are constantly bombarded with messages of selfishness, greed, deceit and “me first” attitudes. These messages are “boxed, wrapped and marketed” to target an unsuspecting generation in packages of vanity, illicit sex, hatred, physical aggression and rebellion against authority.

Television has spoon-fed this destructive, awful diet to children for so long that the majority no longer know how to think, reason or solve problems with their minds. Instead, the television culture has taught them to solve problems through violence and brute force, coupled with deceit in every form.

Tragically, an even worse condition afflicts young people of the modern age. Many have grown up not even having been taught to think, let alone talk, about anything of depth. Obviously, this is because most people no longer read very much, including any of the important parts of a newspaper—let alone a wide variety of books or news magazines. Children no longer read beyond what is required by their schools, and this is usually little more than the basics. To read, one must move his eyes back and forth across the page. And he must think about the words he is seeing and what they describe. Incredibly, experts report that this has become too much effort for a generation that has been programmed to stare at a TV screen. Television does not require thinking—or effort.

There is also evidence suggesting that early exposure to television can perhaps “rewire” a child’s developing brain patterns, changing the child’s thinking for the rest of its life. With commercials interrupting programming approximately every seven minutes, it has been demonstrated to produce a seven-minute attention span in children. This seems to be confirmed in the experiences of a professional storyteller, Odds Bodkin, who reads mostly to children. He observed that children began to be restless after about seven minutes, in anticipation of a commercial break. This new phenomenon has been labeled “Attention Deficit Disorder.”

An article titled “Toddler TV Time May Shorten Attention” points to a link between time spent watching TV and attention problems in children. It states, “Experts know too much TV is bad for older kids, but it may also harm the attention spans of children as young as 1 year old, a new study suggests” (HealthDay Reporter).

Another study, by author Dr. Dimitri Christakis of the University of Washington, Seattle, states, “We found that watching television before the age of 3 increases the chances that children will develop attentional problems at age 7.”

The researchers also found the following: “…for each additional daily hour of television that young children watched on average, the risk of subsequently having attentional problems [by age 7] was increased by almost 10 [times].” (This is a classic example of the unseen law of cause and effect in action. But because parents are not looking for it—and this is because no one is telling them that they should—the result is a whole generation of young children with little or no stick-to-it-ive-ness.)

But let’s continue: This means that 1- to 3-year-olds who watched eight hours of television a day “would have an 80% higher risk of attentional problems compared to a child who watched zero hours.” One well-known expert has stated that children should avoid all contact with television and video games prior to the age of three.

Zero to Six: Electronic Media in the Lives of Infants, Toddlers and Preschoolers, published by the Kaiser Family Foundation, provides a look into the use of media among the very young and their parents. Some of its findings include:

• 83% of children use screen media, whether TV, movies or video games.
• 77% turn the television on by themselves.
• 67% request a particular program or are able to surf channels using a remote.
• 65% live in homes in which the TV is on half the time or more.
• 36% live in homes in which the TV is always on (considered a “heavy” TV household).
• In “heavy” TV households, 77% of children watch it every day.
• Such children are also less likely to read (59% vs. 68%).
• They are also less likely to be able to read at all (34% of children ages 4 to 6 from heavy TV households can read, compared to 56% of others the same age).
• The majority of parents (59%) say their 4- to 6-year-old boys imitate aggressive behavior seen on TV.
• And perhaps the most astonishing statistic in this entire book is that 26% of children under 2 have a TV in their bedroom.

What has been the result of all this? Many young people have never visited a library or ever personally owned a book. (Most of these have little concept of the wonderful world of books.) Virtually their entire perspective on life is limited to what flashes across the TV screen. And what they constantly see is violence, corruption and widespread immorality.

This also means that parents are up against a vast array of problems built into their children by a very early age, insuring that parents have a long, difficult uphill battle in being able to overcome these things.

More Astonishing Statistics

Consider these alarming statistics, and all of the anguish and suffering that they represent:

• In 1990, 24% of U.S. families were single-parent households. By 1999, it had risen to 27%.
• In 1999, 68% of U.S. children lived in two-parent homes, down from 77% in 1980.
• From July 1, 1998 to June 30, 1999, there were 47 violent deaths in U.S. schools.
• From 1992 to 1999, students were more likely to be victims of theft at school than anywhere else.
• The U.S. has the highest number of teen pregnancies of any industrialized nation—one million annually among girls ages 15 to 19. The United Kingdom is the next highest, with about half a million pregnancies annually. But this number actually represents a rate that is much higher, since the U.K. is only about one-fifth the size of the United States.
• Of Americans who have been infected with sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) annually, more than three million (or about 25%) are teenagers.
• Each year, about 25% of all new HIV cases occur in people ages 13 to 21.

The following statistics are from “Heartland Village, Youth Statistics” unless otherwise noted:

• Every night, 40% of children in America go to bed in a home without a father.
• 66% of children believe that absolute truth cannot be known.
• 10% of adolescent boys and 18% of adolescent girls have made some attempt to take their own life.
• A new study proclaims that teens who spend most of their free time ingesting movies, television and music see pop culture as a valid form of creativity. A study found that 87% of teens rated “directing a movie, being a rocket scientist” and “being a good teacher” as equally important pursuits.
• Although teens aged 13 to 17 make up only 7% of the American population, they make up 31% of the shoplifting population.

A third of American teens say they can get free condoms on a regular basis. Here is the revealing breakdown of percentages describing where they are able to do this:

• Clinic—40%
• Friend—16%
• School—14%
• Store giveaway—6%
• Doctor—6%
• Parent/relative—4%
• Concerts—2%

The following is a picture of how American children view homosexuality:

• 82% say that homosexuals can and should be hired for any occupation.
• 80% think that same-sex partners should receive the same employment benefits (such as health insurance) as married people.
• 73% say that homosexuals should be permitted to enter the military.
• 64% think that homosexuals should be permitted to adopt children.
• 61% agree that homosexuals should be permitted to get married.
• 69% know that intimate contact with a homosexual causes AIDS.

American teens quizzed with questions mixing pop culture and constitutional issues provided the following answers:

• Less than 2% of teens recognized James Madison as the father of the Constitution, while 58% know Bill Gates as the father of Microsoft.
• Nearly 95% know Will Smith played the role of the “Fresh Prince of Bel Air,” but only 2% know William Rehnquist as Chief Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court.
• More than 75% know that Beverly Hills’ zip code is 90210, but only 25% know that the Constitution was written in Philadelphia.
• 41% can name the three branches of government, while 59% can name the Three Stooges, who were popular on television half a century ago.
• 74% know that Bart Simpson lives in Springfield, but only 12% know that U.S. President Abraham Lincoln was from Springfield, Illinois.

It costs society $39,000 per year to keep a youth in a correctional center.

The average child witnesses 8,000 murders and 100,000 other acts of violence on television by the time he finishes elementary school.

Every day…

• 13 young people commit suicide
• 16 are murdered
• 1,000 become mothers
• 2,200 drop out of school
• 500 begin using drugs
• 1,000 begin drinking alcohol
• 3,500 are assaulted
• 630 are robbed
• 80 are raped
• 1.1 million teens become pregnant each year, representing 11% of all 15- to 19-year-olds.
• Almost half of all teen pregnancies (449,000) end in abortion.
• One in every three teenagers has used an illicit drug within the past 30 days. (This statistic alone represents a mindboggling state of affairs.)
• Suicide is the second leading cause of death among college students.
• American girls, on average, begin having sexual intercourse at age 16, boys at 15. By the time of high school graduation, 70% of girls and 80% of boys have been sexually active (U.S. News and World Report, December 22, 1986, p. 8).
• 50% of today’s sexually active males had their first sexual experience between the ages of 11 and 13 (Robert Coles and Geoffrey Stokes, Sex and the American Teenager, 1985).
• By age 13, boys who have never had any form of sex are in the minority. Similarly, girls are in the minority by age 15.

Subcultures All Their Own

Modern teenagers have developed their own entirely unique subcultures and their own set of standards. This includes body piercing, tattoos, drug abuse, seemingly endless wild parties, and other aberrant behaviors too numerous to list here.

Reflecting a very new pattern of conduct, already vast and growing numbers of teenagers now spend an enormous amount of time attending “poker parties.” Much of this is done under the “helpful supervision” of many parents who are just happy to see their children safe at home where they can keep an eye on them. This trend also includes children as young as ten! Of course, a now large number of television programs promote poker, and this has created an explosion of products available for sale to teach poker to young children. Then there is the problem that teenagers and younger children are also being led into other forms of gambling. Since gambling is addictive, all the related problems seen in addicted adult gamblers are being seen at this earlier age.

But poker parties are only the beginning of the “party” problem with today’s youth culture. Understand. These are not the parties of either yours or previous generations. These are truly wild parties, including “raves,” which can have thousands of young people at each party (sometimes held in warehouses, remote beaches, and other such places, where drugs can flow more freely). Then there are the drinking parties in basements and other secluded places, often permitted by the parents for the same reason as the poker parties. Then there are the dance clubs, which are generally about finding sex. (And there are even now “teen dance clubs” for the same purpose, but done under the guise of “safe” alcohol-free activities. Here, the sexually-suggestive music is the worst problem, with actual sex a close second.)

All of this is leading more and more young people into contact with the worst of society’s underbelly—drug dealers, prostitutes, illegal gambling and various other criminal activities, to support their drug habits.

Of course, television, the movie industry and other forms of entertainment have also played a direct role in all of this. They have glorified such parties and conduct by portraying them to be almost a part of normal everyday life. It is no overstatement to say that the above picture is what a big part of a college education has come to mean for thousands and thousands of young people who seem to now see their “college experience” as one endless “spring break”—no longer just done in places like Florida, California or Cancun.

The appalling condition of the generation that will produce tomorrow’s leaders has become one of the enormous statements of our time. How incredible that huge numbers of today’s young people have come to look for, and expect to find, a party somewhere—anywhere! This pattern has become a neverending search and cycle for so many, with just one of the by-products being more and more teen suicides and accidental deaths related to drug overdoses and overdrinking, which all serve to bring the tragedy home to parents who never saw it coming, or who did but had no idea how to stop it.

Ironically, the mantra of today’s youth is that anything is permissible as long as no one “gets hurt.”

We can ask: Is it any wonder that parents are overwhelmed, having no idea what to do? Is it any wonder that thinking people recognize the experts have utterly failed?

Sexual Revolution Pre-teen Style

As mentioned earlier, teen—and even pre-teen—sex is now fast becoming the norm, with large and growing numbers of pre-teens attending “oral sex parties,” because they saw that it was not considered sex by the highest office in the land. This has meant that widespread fornication, leading to an explosion of teen pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases, has become a virtual way of life in Western countries, with Britain now leading the way, as it suffers from an epidemic of all such related diseases. (Large numbers of pre-teens have also been attracted to the above-mentioned “rave parties,” which have led such young minds to be quickly overwhelmed with a variety of problems that minds much older than theirs are not even equipped to deal with.)

Various types of “sex education”—and this is not all simple instruction—are coursework in many middle schools and high schools in the United States as part of the standard curriculum. Why then does anyone wonder that children are having sex in growing and record numbers? Then consider that British girls under the age of 16 are permitted to have abortions without their parents’ knowledge, or without the parents even knowing that their child had been pregnant! This is an absolutely astonishing state of affairs.

The flip side of this coin is that there are growing numbers of younger teenage girls who do want to have a baby—because so many of their friends are having them. They are seeing this as a way of having someone in their life who will demonstrate the “unconditional love” that they can find no other way. Many view this as an attractive “trend” that one should be willing to seriously “consider.”

Further, many young female schoolgirls are copying the trend established by callgirls and are publishing on the Internet “explicit memoirs” of their sexual escapades and experiences because vast numbers are only too eager to read them.

A “Strange Generation”

Notice this descriptive reference from the prophet Hosea foretelling the condition of today’s generation of young people: “They have dealt treacherously against the Lord: for they have begotten strange children…” (5:7). This is more true than the older generation can even begin to comprehend.

Today’s youth live in a very different world than all previous generations. It is a world that teaches them that careers come first—that individual fulfillment is more important than rearing a family—that stay-at-home mothers have become, and should be, largely a thing of the past—and that households need two-parent incomes, or families cannot survive. It is a world that stresses living almost exclusively for today because tomorrow may never come.

Children today are cynical, emotionally drained and carrying a kind of world-weary mentality. While many may seem tough and talk tough on the outside, most are morally weak and spiritually vacant inside. They have become a generation of emotionally-stunted children. As a result, they lack empathy—they cannot feel for others, and can only barely feel for themselves. They lack the moral fiber or backbone to do the right thing, even when it is painless. Millions have stumbled into adulthood believing that “if it feels right, do it.”

Is it any wonder that ten students are expelled from British schools every day because of violent behavior? Was there ever doubt that the American trend toward extreme mass violence in schools would also take its place in Britain?

These conditions did not come about all at once. As far back as the 1970s, modern society began rearing a generation of “latchkey kids”—children who came home to an empty house after school. Without adult supervision, they were left to their own devices. Vast numbers of latchkey kids have practically reared themselves into adulthood. The final products have not been good.

On the one hand, they have become generally (and often fiercely) independent adults who seem to need little supervision on their jobs. On the other hand, they never learned to emotionally bond with people and are generally poor team players. They never learned to feel for others, because they have been trained to feel—and fend—only for themselves. This has also meant that they do not know how to build loving, mature relationships. And they show little interest in parents who showed little interest in them.

A Generation Without Values

Many children today are almost completely void of true values—and many are not even aware that they should have values. Their minds and emotions are invested in material things, such as $200 sneakers and expensive leather jackets, and a host of other material possessions that are thought to define their lives. Society has produced a generation in which some teenagers will actually kill to possess what others have, because life has come to be about “status, getting respect,” conforming to peer pressure, and living almost exclusively for the moment. Many do not care about—or even think about—tomorrow, but rather only about what will happen to them today.

On the forty-first anniversary of John F. Kennedy’s assassination, a horrific new video game was released in which players are placed in the Dallas sniper’s window and try to assassinate the president over and over again. A feature is available to add “blood effects” for those who wish to see them as the president’s head explodes from wounds. The game offers point deductions for hitting Mrs. Kennedy, the driver or others in or out of the vehicle. Incredibly, soon after the game’s release, for a short period to help promote it, the producers offered a $100,000 reward to those who had the best score. However, those familiar with video games such as the “Grand Theft Auto” series and others say that the “JFK” game is fairly tame by comparison.

We could also ask if it is really any wonder why the Columbine High School shooting, and so many other school shootings, seem to involve hardened kids only too happy to kill other children. It has been evidenced in some of these shootings that 14- and 15-year olds are able to display the skill of advanced marksmen, and military and police snipers. It is worth noting in fact that some of these professionals now routinely train on simulations that are variations of these games.

The callousness of those who routinely play these types of games can only be described as appalling! Yet, this is the world that is competing for the attention of your children.

Rarely are children disciplined for their misconduct or even taught that certain actions are wrong. Improper conduct is now largely “winked at”—or even encouraged. Children are taught from a very young age that their feelings should be their moral compass. They are taught to reason their way through a situation by using little more than impulses—by following what they feel is right.

Gone are the days when children were reprimanded for things like being too loud or unruly on field trips. Because sexual limitations have also been lifted, these same school trips today can be interrupted by children performing sexual acts at the back of the school bus. Because such conduct is not disciplined, these same youth can later turn to pornography in order to pay their way through college. Truly, all such acts are often tacitly accepted or even considered healthy “exploration” of oneself.

Now consider this: How can parents teach their children to be moral, to act justly and to be merciful when the daily news continually reveals the sins and crimes of adults—and in explicit detail? White-collar crime, government corruption, widespread child abuse among this world’s clergymen and others of influence, who are supposed to help in young people’s development, terribly distort the picture that children see. To young people, actions speak louder than words.

Society is rearing a “generation that curses their father, and does not bless their mother” (Prov. 30:11). This describes the last generation of every previous educated and advanced society—the Romans, Greeks, Babylonians, Egyptians and Assyrians, among others—all of which eventually collapsed. Each of these great empires produced youths who were proud, arrogant, unteachable, lazy, pleasure-driven and generally rotten.

Simply scanning the world around you quickly reveals that such a generation exists once again. As Solomon said, “There is no new thing under the sun” (Ecc. 1:9).

Let’s now continue with Solomon’s description in Proverbs 30. Modern society is now producing what is described there as a “generation that are pure in their own eyes, yet is not washed from their filthiness” (vs. 12). Millions of young people today cannot be told anything, including that they are wrong. This is because they already “know it all,” and would have no need for anyone to offer them instruction. They have witnessed too many television sitcoms depicting children who know more than their “idiot” parents.

Further, this generation does not know the meaning of the word “no,” and expects parents to “reason” with them—and to ask for and receive their opinion. Virtually every issue becomes the subject of negotiation—instead of simple instruction, coupled with strong admonishment when necessary.

Almost an entire generation of parents have become unbalanced in their childrearing. The “hold-outs” are becoming fewer and fewer. In most cases, parents simply do not know how to properly rear their children. As a result, rarely will they make their children do anything—assigning few chores or responsibilities because most young people will no longer be diligent in carrying them out or, worse, will openly defy their parents, with the confidence that they will do nothing about it.

Society has forced parents to be more concerned with being their child’s friend than in being his or her teacher and parent! And most parents would rather be popular with their children than “upset” them by firmly requiring anything of them—and teaching them right from wrong, including the regular application of discipline when standards are not met!

All Religions Have Failed

All of the supposed “great religions” have failed to give parents the tools they need to properly rear their children into becoming responsible, productive adults. This includes all of the world’s many brands of Christianity, which teach that God’s spiritual laws—His Commandments—were “kept for us by Christ” and were “done away with,” and “there is no longer a need to keep them.” Therefore, morality has become a matter of personal taste: One man’s sin is another man’s lifestyle.

Modern theologians routinely substitute the righteousness of God—His Commandments (Psa. 119:172)—for the standards of righteousness established by men, and call it “political correctness.” This greatly adds to the confusion of what children see.

It is no wonder that most teenagers and even younger children today have smug faces and generally smirk at all forms of authority, often making no attempt to hide the rolling of their eyes because they think that they already “know” what is right and wrong. Woe to those who try to teach them otherwise. So many are ungovernable, unmanageable and unruly.

Political correctness teaches young people that nothing is truly bad or wrong—except intolerance. But herein lies a great irony—those who preach political correctness will not tolerate those who take a stand against sin. What hypocrisy!

Teens are no longer taught right from wrong, because so many of their parents no longer seem to know the difference, even on the basics. So many now embrace a world of “differing shades of gray,” where clear-cut rules of morality, ethics and integrity no longer exist. Large numbers of people—many of whom are parents!—routinely steal items from their jobs (pens, markers, paper, notebooks, or much larger items like computers, expensive tools and other equipment—and even time while at work) and then wonder why their children shoplift.

What blindness!

Fifty years ago, if a child found a wallet containing a large sum of money, he would have automatically turned it over to the police. Today, such a child would be ridiculed—laughed to scorn—by his peers, and even by some adults! He would probably be written up in the local newspaper as a veritable hero, simply because practicing what was once considered a civic duty has now become a phenomenon. Such honesty is so rare that it makes headlines!

How can parents hope to effectively rear a child in such a morally and spiritually upside-down world? What chance do they—do YOU—have to train a child God’s Way so that he can become a successful, productive, obedient, happy, and emotionally, physically and spiritually mature adult?

There is hope. The truths in this book will show you the way—but you must first see, and then be willing to meet, the enormous challenge that lies before you! This almost certainly involves much more than you now realize. But you can succeed—and you should proceed as though you will!

Chapter Two –

The Biblical Doctrine of Childrearing

Most people view childrearing as a matter of personal opinion. With no idea that there is a right way—and many wrong ways!—to rear children, they either make up their own rules, repeat the methods used by their parents or listen to confused, disagreeing “experts.” In effect, anything goes.

How many have come to think like the following new, young parent, a 19-year-old superstar, professional athlete, who, upon the arrival of his new infant son, born out of wedlock, said this about why he would not seek advice from good role model parents around him offering help?: “You can’t teach someone to be a father. There are no tips like playing basketball. You have to raise your own kids.” Such ignorance is astonishing to the point of being almost breathtaking. But this is to be expected when children have children—and no one has taught them what they are getting into.

In regard to discipline, this kind of thinking causes parents to fall into two extremes, neither yielding positive results:

(1) They discipline too much, even to the point of child abuse. Every year in the United States, several thousand defenseless children are literally beaten (or shaken) to death, and four million more are abused annually in an adult tantrum holocaust of growing proportion.

(2) They discipline too little—or not at all. These parents listen to psychologists and other “authorities” who warn against the “hazards” of spanking, scornfully referring to it as “beating.”

Ignoring the facts, and forgetting that generations past who were firmly disciplined for wrong conduct were much more stable, respectful and wholesome, these supposed experts now declare that spanking only teaches children to be aggressive and violent. Yet, they fail to explain why there is so much widespread violence among youth—theft, assault, rape, murder—at a time when parents are spanking less than ever! No one is helping parents who desire guidance and help to “connect the dots” between today’s problems and the ever-changing rules and guidelines of modern childrearing.

Vast numbers of parents, forced to rely on themselves or on the misguided opinions of so-called experts, have no way of knowing what to do when it comes to properly rearing children. They need help, not recognizing the problems that they are facing are spiritual, not physical. They need to turn to the only source of true spiritual understanding—the Bible—God’s Word!

Most do not know that childrearing is a biblical doctrine—that the Bible has much to say about it. They do not recognize that it is a teaching from God, like baptism, conversion, salvation, tithing, the Sabbath, God’s annual Holy Days, faith, grace, law and sin—and every other teaching in His Word.

Two Approaches to Childrearing

When God’s servants, those truly carrying His authority, teach the only way to properly rear children, most people would see it as meddling, not biblical instruction. This is because it hits close to home and becomes personal. And, like children, many simply do not want anyone—and this includes God!—telling them what to do, even when they have no idea themselves.

This book is written for those who recognize that they do not have all the answers.

Within the Church that Christ built, the Eternal God has established His ministry to teach His Way of Life in all points—the way that mankind has rejected since Adam and Eve’s fateful decision in the Garden of Eden to rebel against God’s rule over them. But God is calling a very few (John 6:44) out of this world’s customs, values, traditions, false teachings—and erroneous thinking of supposed experts—to understand and live His spiritual laws. These few are reaping the spiritual benefits.

This can include you. But only if you can recognize that all forms of childrearing fall into two categories:

(1) God’s Way, revealed in His Holy Word.

(2) The world’s way, as influenced by the “god of this world”—Satan the devil (II Cor. 4:4; Eph. 2:2). This fallen spirit is the unseen source of human nature (Rom. 8:7).

Anything contrary to God’s teachings—His doctrines—is error. The apostle Paul warned, “a little leaven leavens the whole lump” (I Cor. 5:6). Error, like leavening, spreads. Wrong principles of childrearing are not an exception. Childrearing as practiced today stands on a completely wrong foundation. What started out wrong has grown much, much worse!

Authorities in society, and some parents, do teach certain good things concerning the rearing of children. But this means that they are teaching a mixture of good and evil. This is the lesson of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil in the garden, which God explained was to be rejected. Only God’s Way is pure, with no hidden “downside.”

If you want to rear your children to lead successful, abundant lives, God’s Master Instruction Book will guide you. Revealing the hidden shoals in a dangerous world that threatens your child, the Bible is filled with correct teachings and spiritual principles that always yield positive results to those who faithfully practice them. But you must deeply desire to learn God’s way of childrearing, and then diligently apply it without compromise—and for many years!

You must be prepared to throw away the intellectual nonsense taught by people who have “credentials” but reject God’s authority over this and all other matters in life. You must be prepared to put God’s Way into practice as you learn it.

Rearing a Family

Let’s examine some basic statements about what God says regarding rearing a family.

Paul was also inspired to record, “for whatsoever a man sows, that shall he also reap” (Gal. 6:7). Then notice this: “Except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it: except the Lord keep the city, the watchman wakes but in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows…” (Psa. 127:1-2).

If God is not in the “house” you are building—if you do not involve Him in the way you rear your children—you are destined to reap pain and sorrow of almost every kind.

Verse 3 continues: “Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is His reward.” Plainly, your children are God’s special gift to you. Unlike most people, who cannot wait until their children are grown up and gone, you should cherish them throughout their time under your charge.

So tragically, many people think that children are a burden. They do not understand that it is selfish not to want children. Such people would rather focus on themselves than share their knowledge, experience and attention with the next generation. They are unable to see children as little fellow human beings with whom they can practice and share the love of God.

When God brought Adam and Eve together in marriage, He instructed them to “be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth” (Gen. 1:28). Recognize that this instruction was actually a command from Him to have children, because the family unit is the human pattern picturing His own Divine Family. While this is a subject of other books and booklets—and I have written many explaining this pattern within God’s supreme purpose—it should at least be briefly acknowledged here in the context of the shrinking size of the average family in Western civilization.

Verse 4 of Psalm 127 adds more: “As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.” By, in effect, “shooting an arrow,” you (as a parent) are extending your life beyond yourself—through your children. This is one of the reasons verse 5 concludes with “Happy is the man that has his quiver full of them”!

Now read the very next Psalm, and its exciting promise: “Blessed is every one [who] fears the Lord; [who] walks in His ways.” This is because if you do, “Your wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides [heart] of your house: your children like olive plants round about your table. Behold, that thus shall the man be blessed [who] fears the Lord” (128:1, 3-4).

Children are sent to parents as a blessing—not a burden. So says the Creator God.

Understand, however. God has not given children to you to merely be your possession. Remember that they are your blessing!

Childrearing Is a Stewardship

As previously mentioned, God has given children to you as a gift of stewardship. If you are a true Christian, called out of the world and being led by the Holy Spirit (Rom. 8:9, 14), you understand that your children could one day have the same opportunity. At some point in the future when your stewardship is completed, God will take back your children. When it becomes time for Him to offer them salvation, and for them to receive His Holy Spirit, following repentance and conversion, your final record will have been written. The efforts of your stewardship—your childrearing today—will have made God’s job tomorrow either harder or easier.

Grasp this. You hold far more authority in this process than you may have dreamed!

In ancient Israel, God did not consider people to be adults until they had reached the age of 20. Today, for most, this is age 18. In this sense, God has given you approximately 18 to 20 years of stewardship, to finish the product that He will receive.

In the Parable of the Pounds, Christ taught that all Christians must “occupy” until He returns to set up the kingdom of God (Luke 19:11-27). At that time, all God’s true servants will have to give an accounting of every aspect of their life. How well parents “occupy” in wisely carrying out their childtraining stewardship now reveals to God whether He can trust them to rule over cities in the World to Come. Take a moment to read this extraordinary, detailed parable. As a Christian and a parent, your stewardship includes your children and family. In verses 20-22, Christ agreed with the unprofitable steward that He was austere. But verses 23 to 26 show that God expects us to use the stewardship He gives us!

Christ explained to His disciples that the Christian walk is difficult. Here is what He told them to expect: “Enter you in at the strait [difficult] gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leads to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leads unto life, and few there be that find it” (Matt. 7:13-14).

The living Jesus Christ has very high standards for those who choose to follow Him. It is the Christian parent’s task to sow a bountiful crop—it is Christ’s plan to reap it.

The Four Important Rules of Childrearing

Contrary to common belief, people are not born with the knowledge of how to be good parents!

Due to all the stresses of today’s fast-paced life, we have seen that parents turn to television to help keep their children occupied. In an effort to have some quiet time, and to avoid the hard work of training their children, parents essentially hand their children over to the worst possible “babysitters” and “nannies”—Hollywood screenwriters, television producers, computer programmers (those who produce video games), etc. These people become the children’s most dedicated mentors!

It takes hard work to be a parent! It is a full-time job that requires substantial, ongoing effort. Parents today seemingly have little or no time for their children! Without correct priorities, most will also not make the time for their children!

Long gone are the days when the entire family would spend time together discussing an endless array of interesting topics. Gone are the times when children would read book after book, learning about the world around them. Now, their minds are drained by technology, and parents willingly give up their responsibility to teach their children how to live, how to think and how to become productive, successful adults.

Again, you may have never thought of correct childrearing as a biblical teaching, but it is. Properly rearing a child—made in the image and form of God, destined to be born into His Family—requires spiritual understanding from God. In fact, because of all that is at stake in the outcome of just one child, of course God would have to give detailed instruction.

No parent naturally knows everything about how to rear a child the correct way. God must teach this knowledge—like any other doctrine revealed in His Word. The parent must become a student of God’s Word on this vitally important subject.

Some people are naturally better at parenting and working with children than others. Some are better at nurturing children. Others are better at admonishing them. Yet, all parents must be taught by God. All parents need to study His instruction on childrearing. Strive to merge the good things that you may have already been blessed to know with what God’s Word reveals.

Notice the New Testament instruction in Ephesians 6: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother: (which is the first commandment with promise)” (vs. 1-2). Children must be taught to respect their parents—this does not come naturally. If followed, this commandment—and the application of all childrearing principles—will yield blessings, as Ephesians 6 continues: “That it may be well with you, and you may live long on the earth” (vs. 3).

This chapter next addresses parents: “And, you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture [education, training, instruction] and admonition [mild rebuke, warning, correction, discipline] of the Lord” (vs. 4). We will revisit this passage in Chapter Six in a different context.

Help your children to honor you. Make it easy for them. No child will grow up to respect a nagging parent who berates him at every opportunity. Would you?

Set clear boundaries for your children. This means being committed to using discipline when necessary.

You must also be determined and equally committed to continually teaching your children all the vital lessons and important principles of life. It has been said that the single greatest gift you can give your child is to be a wise and understanding parent, one able to teach them in almost every circumstance.

Now for what I call the four great rules of childrearing:

(1) Teach!

(2) Teach!

(3) Teach!

(4) Teach your children absolutely everything they need to know!

Do not allow your children to merely stumble into adulthood. Just as God teaches you, so you must teach them. This is your responsibility, as the following scripture shows: “And these words, which I command you this day, shall be in your heart: and you shall teach them diligently unto your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise up” (Deut. 6:6-7).

Be prepared to teach your children all the time, and on every occasion—the proverbial morning, noon and night. Your responsibility is to instruct them in all the values they need in order to succeed. God designed children to be like sponges—they were created to learn. Your children are unconsciously looking to you to teach them how to navigate the increasingly complex maze of today’s world.

Think of little minds as clay. You can literally mold them into whatever you choose—good or bad.

The greatest gift you can give to your child is to train him in God’s Way. Notice: “Train up a child in the way he should go: and [margin: even] when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Prov. 22:6).

After your 18 to 20 years of good stewardship, your children will produce positive fruit!

Never Let Discipline Become Abuse

The wise parent recognizes the proper and timely use of physical discipline. He or she never disciplines out of anger—when emotions have been allowed to get out of control. The results can prove to be disastrous, in more ways than one.

We have already mentioned parental violence against children. Children must always be understood to be little people who have absolutely no way of defending themselves. Remember that you are almost certainly much bigger, much stronger, and weigh much more than even the largest of your children.

Keep this in mind at all times. Your child must never be given the opportunity to think that he is the object of your uncontrolled wrath—or the victim of an assault. There is not a single good thing that will come from administering this kind of discipline, and your child will come to resent and even hate you for it. He must recognize that you are disciplining out of a pure motive of concern for his long-term well-being.

Yet, remember that discipline must never be merely “love taps” to a child or it will accomplish nothing. The child must know that spanking is something he or she does not want to experience—for any reason! This alone becomes a reason why spanking, done properly, usually becomes a rarity.

Is God’s Way Harsh?

Let’s momentarily examine how God dealt with rebellious teens in ancient Israel: “If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them: then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place; and they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shall you put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear” (Deut. 21:18-21).

Notice that God told the Israelites to actually put to death—execute!—teens who refused to obey their parents or respect authority.

This sounds harsh, even barbaric, in today’s world, but God understood what was at stake for His society if such a rotten attitude was unleashed upon it for an entire lifetime.

Understand that God set this standard to be an example. Upon witnessing such a graphic execution—and probably of one who was at least an acquaintance—how many teens would even think about rebelling against their parents? Few—if any! God’s punishment was merciful. And, in the end, it saved many lives, and resulted in many obedient, respectful teenagers. Very few would have to die, because they would not dare to break God’s Fifth Commandment—“Honor your father and mother”—if they knew it would have cost them their lives!

At that time, God carried out punishment within His Law very quickly. He did not waste months and years of trials, retrials, appeals and the like, as do the time-and-money-consuming courts of men. Unfortunately, mankind, cut off from God (Isa. 59:1-2), has not learned this lesson. Notice: “Because sentence against an evil work is not executed speedily, therefore the heart of the sons of men is fully set in them to do evil” (Ecc. 8:11).

God moved swiftly to administer justice in a carnal-minded society, one whose citizens did not have His Holy Spirit. The ancient Israelites did not have the opportunity to repent spiritually—to change and grow from carnal ways to the ways of God.

Today, God administers justice in a spirit-minded society—His Church! True Christians do have the power of God’s Spirit dwelling in them to change from the “way that seems right unto a man” to the way that produces real peace and true happiness. Certainly, it is not God’s purpose to put Christians to death. In His mercy, He has given them an entire lifetime to change, grow and overcome—to develop His holy, righteous character (II Pet. 3:18).

When people read Deuteronomy 21, they tend to focus on the person who is executed and thus miss the point. But God, in His supreme wisdom, focuses on the ones who will not be executed—those who will take His laws seriously as a result of what they witness happening to those who rebel. God’s wisdom is higher than man’s (Isa. 55:8).

Divine understanding is superior to human reasoning every time!

Strengthen Your Children

Today’s youth are defiant, but essentially weak, because they have not had to suffer as have most previous generations. Their defiance only makes them appear to be strong, and confuses what is actually happening. The world’s focus on pursuing pleasure and the “good life” teaches children to be weak—to lack the moral strength, stamina and perseverance of generations past.

There are a number of studies demonstrating that teens invariably do better—grow stronger—when the father is involved. They become less delinquent and more educated because they have fathers who tenderly teach them everything that they need to know in order to achieve success.

Fathers, of course with mothers assisting, you must always be willing to literally “spend” yourself—continually putting forth the effort to keep your children from stumbling into the many pitfalls of the twenty-first century world!

Discipline—Rules You Can Use

Every parent will find that there are a variety of circumstances that warrant the use of discipline and correction. Here are some important rules to follow:

When Giving Instructions, Always Speak Just Once

Do not repeat yourself or raise your voice when giving instructions. If you do, you are actually programming your child—literally conditioning him!—to respond to the number of times that you are willing to repeat your instruction before taking action. You are also conditioning your child to respond to the level of volume (and this means the degree of anger) of your voice—the point at which he knows that you are finally going to take action if he does not respond.

Your child must be trained to respond to what you are saying, not to how loud or how often you give instructions.

Consider. If you are willing to repeat your directive over and over again, you have no right to ask for or expect your child to obey you on the first time. How can you expect or even believe your child will do as you tell him the first time an instruction is given if you are at the same time telling him through willingness to repeat it several times that he need not worry about obeying on the first utterance?

Get this! You are actually—and actively—teaching your child NOT to obey your instruction the first time you speak if it is given even twice. Of course, the fruits throughout society today are that the children ARE “obeying” this popular parental “command” to disobey.

At this point, if he does not respond, you must punish him. (But make sure that he hears you. Give your instructions firmly and clearly.) Also, always be sure that your child knows exactly what actions will bring the punishment. Leave nothing to guesswork. That is unfair to the child.

Were you aware that God declares that you hate your child if you fail to discipline him or her? Notice: “He that spares his rod hates his son: but he that loves him chastens him betimes [promptly]” (Prov. 13:24).

Most parents simply will not believe this verse. Many parents say, “Oh no! I love my child too much to spank him. I could never do that.” Regardless of what you think, God states that you hate your child in such circumstances. You are refusing to see the long-term damage and pain your child will suffer if his actions are not properly channeled by you when he is young.

You must be willing to set aside all personal feelings and every form of human reasoning telling you to follow your own ideas about what defines love and what defines hate in the eyes of God. Recognize that GOD—who declares that He is our Father, and thus the ultimate Parent!—knows better how to rear children than do human parents, whom He sees as so many of His own adult children who think they know better than He does! You must be determined to follow, without compromise, all of His instruction about childrearing.

God admonishes human parents, “Chasten your son while there is hope, and let not your soul spare for his crying” (Prov. 19:18). But civilization largely rejects God’s wisdom, thinking physical discipline—even proper spanking—is child abuse. Therefore, parents must be wise in applying discipline. Never physically discipline a child in public. Those around you will not understand that you are merely employing basic biblical principles of loving childrearing. All physical punishment should be administered at home or in otherwise private settings.

Modern civilization views Proverbs 23:13-14 as harsh: “Withhold not correction from the child: for if you beat [other translations say “spank”] him with a rod, he shall not die. You shall beat [spank] him with a rod, and shall deliver his soul from hell [the grave].” Since society will not employ God’s laws, principles and teachings, is it any wonder that the world is filled with every conceivable problem, trouble, evil and ill?

One of the greatest acts of love that you can show your child is to teach him to respond the first time you speak. He will learn to do this with his school teachers, coaches, future supervisors, police officers and all other authority figures. Think of this as teaching your children not to be their own worst enemies!

If you diligently discipline your children now, in their early years, you will only rarely need to discipline them later. And God states that if you faithfully carry out this responsibility, your children will “give you rest” (Prov. 29:17).

The Punishment Must Fit the Offense

Every wrong action does not carry the same weight of offense. For example, cursing is much worse than not washing behind the ears, and stealing is worse than coming home after curfew. If you do not show your child the right balance—the fundamental ability and common sense to discern serious misconduct from minor infractions—you will teach him bitterness and injustice, to never give the benefit of the doubt and to be merciless to others. Expect that he will reflect the same imbalance that you demonstrated in matters of judgment about his actions.

Remember, good parents did not start out this way. They had to learn to become good parents. And learning proper balance in childrearing takes time.

Immediately Show Affection Every Time You Discipline Your Child

Never permit your child to feel that his actions have brought your rejection, that he is now “in your doghouse,” until he can work his way out and earn your affection once again. Otherwise, when your child becomes an adult and sins (Rom. 3:23), he will almost invariably fall back on the pattern of childhood, and feel rejected by God. He will have trouble believing that God will forgive him (if he repents), no matter what the sin may have been. Also, he will similarly feel rejected by future teachers, supervisors, and others, when simple mistakes are pointed out.

Hug your child with genuine affection. Teach him or her that the discipline is over, and that there has been no rejection. Children love—and require—affection.

Never Forget the Power of Example

Perhaps the single, most powerful tool you can use to teach your children is your example—the way you live.

All children, but particularly small children, automatically look up to their parents. For younger children, you are the center of their expanding world, and your example affects them more deeply than anything you could teach them.

Are you applying the laws of success in your life? Are you living the way of “give” and following what you are learning about the true God of your Bible?

The success of your children hinges on your answers!

Do you want your children to regularly pray and study God’s Word? Then show them how—study and pray with them. Do you want them to save and spend money wisely? Then you must do the same. Do you want them to spend less time watching television and to pursue worthwhile things—books, hobbies, sports, etc.? Set the example. Too many parents, in effect, unconsciously tell their children, “Do as I say, not as I do.” Be careful your children might not be able to hear what you are saying because of what you are doing.

Now that you know the importance of teaching children, the chapters ahead will guide you in both what to teach them and how to teach them.

Chapter Three –

Where Teaching the Basics Begins

All parents want their children to lead happy, abundant, successful lives. But this will not be achieved by accident. Children need specific guidance. Everyone recognizes that people are most influenced when they are young. This is why it is so important for parents to instill, beginning from a very early age, the proper focus and framework on which to base their lives.

The next three chapters contain an extensive list of different attributes and qualities to teach your children. No book of this kind could address every important character trait necessary to lead a happy, productive life. Therefore, this list is not all-inclusive, and other points could certainly be added to it, but it covers all of the most crucial things that children need to learn in order to be properly equipped for adulthood.

Parental involvement is critical in the successful education of all children—meaning not just how well they do in school but in a host of other vitally important areas of their development. It has been demonstrated that children tend to thrive in a more tightly managed routine. This is particularly important when it comes to how well they will do in school.

For instance, as we have seen, doctors and educators now talk in terms of “Attention Deficit Disorder” (ADD) and “Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder” (ADHD) when they are describing a child that is out of control. In reality, many of these children have been permitted to grow up out of control—without order and structure in their lives—and these terms have been invented to provide an excuse for what is usually merely bad parenting. A growing number of voices are announcing that vast numbers of parents have been “had” by false theories that have led so many parents and children to believe that they have a “disease” that needs to be treated with medication, rather than a behavior problem that is linked to faulty character above all other factors. Yet, there are now over six million American children who are being medicated for ADD and ADHD.

In the end, it will be up to you to help your children develop all the necessary traits and qualities that will permit them to come to full maturity. These will be the subject of discussion in the next three chapters. Understand that there is necessarily a certain amount of overlap on the many principles and other aspects of teaching throughout the book.

Make Clear the Importance of Setting Goals

By age 70, many people will have spent about ten years watching television. There are thousands of television programs waiting to capture your children’s minds and reduce them into mindless “sponges,” absorbing information without being able to differentiate between what is good and bad for their consumption. Without your intervention, your children are almost certainly destined to become “couch potatoes.” Millions today waste their entire childhood in physical and mental idleness, staring at “the tube.”

You can counteract this by limiting your children’s television watching, and by teaching them to set proper goals.

Teach them to read books—and to perhaps write book reports (my grandfather paid me one dollar for every book report that I wrote and read to him over the phone, as long as it had over 300 words). Encourage them to take up hobbies, such as building model ships or airplanes, or collecting coins, stamps or postcards. Guide them to participate in sports, such as basketball, soccer, tennis, swimming, etc. Encourage them to learn a musical instrument, such as the flute, guitar or piano. They can learn to skate, build and fly a kite, keep a journal, make watercolor or oil paintings, model with clay, keep a garden, and many more things—the list is endless.

Help your children expand their minds and explore their talents. They have untapped gifts just waiting to be discovered. But they need your guidance to do this.

Teach your children to write down their goals. Over time, they will learn which goals can be reached, which should be amended and which should be dropped. Then teach them how to take steps toward the goals, and to be able to measure their progress along the way. Be sure to remind them often that the Proverbs teach, “The desire accomplished is sweet to the soul” (13:19).

Sports will teach them lessons and values. (“It’s not whether you win or lose, but how you play the game”—following the rules, respecting the coach and learning to emphasize teamwork.)

Coach your children to participate in activities with enthusiasm, and not to give up or quit when “the going gets tough.” It has become a sign of the times that poor sportsmanship has sunk to new levels, with professional athletes leading the way. Sadly, the problem of the proverbial “little league parents” out of control has grown to epidemic levels as well. This means many children have become poor losers.

You must teach your children to cope with losing—but to desire to achieve!

Guide Toward the Pursuit of Excellence

Strive to instill within your children the desire to reach their potential, to go above and beyond what is expected of them—to learn how they can do much more than they ever thought they could. Teach the principle of Ecclesiastes 9:10: “Whatsoever your hand finds to do, do it with your might.”

Any goal or thing of worth requires hard work—one must pay the price. Most today are no longer willing to pay that price and will settle for second best, or less.

Teaching your children to persevere will give them the inner strength needed to achieve their goals. This will have implications in not just their goals and desires, but in every aspect of their lives! Teach your children to never give up—even in the face of hardship—and you will virtually ensure their success.

Inspire your children with the knowledge that life rewards those who go the extra mile: “See you a man diligent in his business [NKJV: “who excels in his work”]? He shall stand before kings; he shall not stand before mean [inferior] men” (Prov. 22:29).

Jesus had much to say about those who only do what is expected of them. Notice this: “But which of you, having a servant plowing or feeding cattle, will say unto him by and by, when he is come from the field, Go and sit down to meat? And will not rather say unto him, Make ready wherewith I may sup, and gird yourself, and serve me, till I have eaten and drunken; and afterward you shall eat and drink? Does he thank that servant because he did the things that were commanded him? I think not. So likewise you, when you shall have done all those things which are commanded you, say, We are unprofitable servants: we have done that which was our duty to do” (Luke 17:7-10).

Most people today are not interested in going above and beyond, preferring instead to do as little as possible. Many are now perfectly willing to do sloppy, slipshod work, no matter the waste or cost to the company, because they are in a hurry to finish, with so many always looking ahead to the next thing that will be “fun.”

Not only should your children be willing to go the extra mile, but they should always be willing to do it with joy, zeal and enthusiasm—from the heart! Regardless of the problems they are facing, do not let them mope or moan about “how hard” things are or how hard their life is. Remind them that things could always be harder—and probably will get harder at times later in life.

Help Your Children Discover Their Talents and Interests

Some people live their entire lives unaware of what their strengths are, or worse, believing that they have none. Most often, this has been because no one helped them discover these talents, and they did not know how to do this themselves. While this book can only scratch the surface of the subject, it should at least inspire you to see that you can greatly encourage and inspire your children if you help them see the natural talents that they were born with. If tapped, apart from the importance of their relationship with God, these qualities offer them the greatest chance for fulfillment and happiness.

Think of it this way: Almost every human being has strengths and weaknesses. There are virtually no exceptions to having some talents and absolutely no exceptions to having certain weaknesses. One of your tasks is to help your child discover his or her God-given abilities, talents and interests. For instance, your child may be extremely gifted in a particular area or way, and this gift could be something that has never before appeared in your family. Be on the lookout for such gifts, and do not squash them when you see them, simply because you have never seen these particular talents or abilities before or because they are not your strengths. On the other hand, do not decide that you see talents that are not really there. Be careful that you do not try to remake your child in your own image. You are a unique human being, unlike any other person on the face of the earth.

So is your child!

Consider for a moment your own strengths and interests, regardless of how you came to know of them. What if your parents, teachers, coaches or employers had never taken an interest in your potential, or worse, actively sought to quash these interests? What if you had never been able to discover and develop them? How different would your life have been? Would you be in the same career or even close to the level of happiness that you have been able to enjoy? The answer is almost certainly not.

The other side of the coin is that it is possible that your mentors did not encourage you to develop your strengths, and to become all that you could have. If this is the case, avoid doing the same with your children. You can yet thrill to the realization of a success in their development that you never had, and this will be a reward unlike any other a parent can enjoy!

Do your children have an interest in music, art, science, mathematics, sports, model-making, stamp-collecting, horticulture, animals, reading, rock-climbing or a host of other things? Strive as hard as you possibly can to recognize and nurture these interests. Ask your children what they enjoy. Observe and talk to them. Try to discern where they may and may not be naturally talented and where their interests lie. Try to be supportive in a balanced way, also not allowing them to quit simply because the early going in a particular sport or activity is tough, when this is always the case in any new endeavor.

Set Limits

Of course, costs can create certain limits—skydiving?!, deep-sea fishing?!—and children cannot pursue every sport, every hobby, every musical instrument, every activity—and every dream—that they may have. Obviously, everything in life has a reasonable and natural limit. Teach your children this principle and to be able to find this limit on their own, in everything that they do. They must also understand that they should finish what they start and not hop around from activity to activity, sport to sport and hobby to hobby, or they will never learn perseverance and to continue through to final achievement.

A word of caution. Avoid at all costs turning your children’s interests, talents or gifts into “idols” that you and/or your children unwittingly worship. This can happen most often where a young person has an unusual or truly extraordinary gift. The parents of such children must work exceptionally hard to keep their child from becoming unbalanced and overly focused on one gift or one interest to the exclusion of all others. Be careful of this, or your child’s extreme gift will sentence him or her to a lifetime of extreme misery!

It could be said that much of the satisfaction of a happy life is about reaching one’s potential, and even more so with special potential. On occasion, and this will be very rare, private coaches may be a help, if, when weighed against all other priorities, it fits into the family budget.

Strive to stand behind your children as they explore what they can and cannot do.

The Worst Parental Sin—Spoiling Your Children!

The subject of the last sections introduce a related subject, and one that could scarcely be more important.

There could be no more awful curse to place upon a child or children than to be a parent who spoils. This produces a host of problems in both the character and personality of children that will adversely affect them for an entire lifetime. But it does not even end there because the effects will then be transferred and intensified in subsequent generations.

The generation that lived through and experienced the Great Depression of the 1930s, and that suffered through the myriad of horrors, as well as the holocaust (of many nations), of World War II, was left forever changed by what they endured. This is often referred to as “The Greatest Generation.” Among other qualities learned and instilled, these millions were more hard-working, stronger of character, thankful for freedom, courageous, willing to sacrifice, patriotic, more appreciative of all that others take for granted, and held a completely different perspective toward what people perceive today to be their “rights.”

History has shown that the peoples of America, Britain and other Western democracies came through perhaps their gravest trials ever because of the sacrifice of millions (many of whom lost their lives) who thought in terms of integrity, honor and the privilege of freedom. This thinking has been replaced by a belief based on entitlement, meaning liberty, material possessions and all the good things of life should be automatic—are birthrights.

But, like every generation, even this “greatest” one were parents. As such, they made one seemingly collective, terrible mistake—they decided their children must never have to endure the rigors, difficulties, challenges and “going without” as they had to do. This is perhaps likened to the parent who was spanked too often as a child and erroneously concludes, “I will never spank my children.”

The result was a generation, usually referred to as “baby boomers,” with less interest in building character and more interest in focusing on themselves and in the accumulation of physical things. But it got worse. The baby boomers in turn reared a terribly spoiled, ego-driven generation that was dubbed “Generation X” because no one had any idea how they would ultimately turn out. The end product was far from good. But it got worse—again. The less industrious, selfish, largely “pain-free” Generation X went on to produce a yet again much worse next generation—and this is true of strength, character, values, selfishness, knowledge, experience, health, and almost every other measure of success in the life of any human being. If Generation X is immoral—and it is—this one is amoral, and in almost every way.

This newest generation, sometimes called “Millennial, Internet Generation” or “Generation Y”—no one name has yet been accepted that completely defines it—could only be described as infinitely more spoiled—truly rotten! (as you have understood from other parts of the book)—than their relatively barely spoiled baby boomer grandparents just two generations older. Those were virtual paragons of altruism and selflessness by comparison. It is as though the modern generation believes themselves put on earth for the sole purpose of pleasure and partying.

Avoid at All Costs!

Parents, above all, do not spoil your children. Avoid this trap at all costs! If you do not, you are literally sentencing them to be stubborn, selfish, self-focused, ego-driven, rude and demanding, and almost entirely materialistic. The net effect is that they will be powerless to deny themselves their every want, and to miss the pain and suffering that comes with this. In addition, you will have made them weak and built into them a sense that everything should always be fair (discussed momentarily)—and that they are entitled to all that they have—to what previous generations earned—when this is not true of life.

You are also instilling into them, and this is often done by over-praising, that they are “special” and/or “gifted.” This thinking (a plain lack of humility) will make them very difficult or impossible to teach because they will not receive criticism. They will find it difficult, or be completely unable, to admit they are wrong, no matter the offense. They will, however, be well able, and happily willing, to criticize the shortcomings of others.

After a while, such children in effect “own” their parents—and from a young age they realize this. This is because the parents have been more willing to cave in to—even constantly “make” over, if necessary—them than to deal with the exhausting aggravation and hassle of never-ending arguments and whining from the child every time it does not get its way! Ask: How often have you heard, or found yourself exclaiming, “I just can’t deal with them”?

Finally, the children who are the greatest candidates for being spoiled are often only children, or the last born—“the baby”—and particularly the “late life baby” who either came much later than its siblings or after the parents were told that no more children were possible. (But this can also happen with a firstborn child.) When older, and having reached the stage of thinking more like grandparents, such parents often find it difficult to discipline such children, and even more difficult to tell them “no.”

Be on the lookout for the natural tendency—a potential within every parent!—to run a popularity contest with their children and to take the easy path of “smothering” them with the best of everything. (I wish I had a nickel for every time my father reminded me that “I am not running a popularity contest here.”)

Make this a simple equation: spoiling usually equals ruining!

Repeat often to your children that they are no better than anybody else, and that the measure of their value and success is solely tied to regular contact with God, strength of character, pursuit of the right goals, willingness to overcome obstacles in their path, real achievement, how much they give versus get, the amount of honor extended to generations that have gone before them, and the volume of effort and sweat expended to earn what they have.

Instill these and other vital, related internal qualities with an unceasing relentlessness that your children cannot miss for their importance!

There is no greater parental sin than spoiling children.

Teach Your Children They Cannot Always Have Their Way

Millions of parents now routinely cater to their children. The ways in which they do this are practically endless. It is as though parents feel they must satisfy their child’s every whim—and do this on an almost minute-to-minute basis.

Take just the matter of bedtime. Vast numbers of children, when put to bed, will get up for a host of reasons, offering a creative variety of excuses—“I’m hungry, I’m thirsty, I can’t sleep, I’m scared” (in this case, said as an excuse), “I’m not tired, You didn’t read me a story”—and parents are trapped as real prisoners to their children’s inventions about why they do not need to obey their parents—and GO TO SLEEP! Worse, I have observed many parents who cannot put their child to sleep unless they take him into the car and drive him around, sometimes for long periods, until he falls asleep. This is costly, time-consuming, fatiguing—and ridiculous!

This kind of catering teaches children to grow up expecting to be catered to and sets them up for a rude awakening.

There are some things we just cannot have. Fair or not, that’s life—and your children must comprehend this. However, most parents have no idea that they should be instilling into their children even this most basic fact of life.

Try this experiment: The next time you are walking through a supermarket, listen to parents talking to their children (and try to notice if you are seeing and hearing yourself at the same time). Watch how parent and child interact. While it may not be obvious at first, you will notice that the child is getting what he wants and the parent is almost invariably giving in and obeying the child. Today’s children can be seen actually directing their parents.

For instance, a toddler may grab cookies from the shelf while his mother is pushing the cart down the aisle. When the mother takes the cookies and returns them to the shelf, the child often explodes into a tantrum. Frustrated, the mother attempts to reason the child back to calmness, by coaxing and explaining—and sometimes turning to pleading and begging—that this is not the proper reaction, and not the right place to “express” himself.

This may be followed by a series of attempts to verbally placate the child, all of which ultimately fail. Finally, driven by embarrassment and desperation, the parent places the cookies back into the cart, quickly calming the child—but teaching him a devastating lesson. This “lesson” often goes so far as to include opening the package immediately and giving the child a cookie. I have seen it.

Instead of simply being told “no,” and responding obediently—and demonstrating happiness with the parent’s decision—the child learns how to manipulate his parents in order to get what he wants—how to satisfy his wants or desires. In effect, the parents are teaching the child to do, feel and think what is “right in his own eyes” (Prov. 12:15), with no regard for those around him.

Even God’s most faithful servants did not always receive what they desired or asked for. God used Moses to guide ancient Israel out of Egypt, and through 40 years of wandering in the wilderness, until coming to the Promised Land. Yet, Moses was not permitted to enter the land with Israel.

Paul faithfully preached and spread the gospel of the kingdom of God throughout the Roman Empire. Throughout his ministry, he never wavered in teaching the full truth of God. Yet, the facts of history indicate that circumstances had taken him from what must have once been a previous life of considerable comfort.